American Backyard:

the American landscape, revisited

I thought of all my friends from one end of the country to the other and how they were really all in the same vast backyard doing something so frantic and rushing about.
--> Jack Kerouac

Dissociated Press; Pescadero, CA - A mountain lion mauled and devoured a young man on Pescadero Beach in California last night, authorities reported.

Dan Hafer, a rising junior at Harvard University and member of the illustrious American Backyard team, was torn apart and devoured not long after 2 am.

"We had hoped to pursue an autopsy, but all we found were bones and scattered pieces of skin," said Lieutenant Jonesy Walker of the California Highway Patrol. "I guess we could, like, look for the big cat and all, but instead we've decided to give up."

Jake Crawford, noted travel writer and caretaker of the house where Hafer and his traveling compatriots were squatting, became suspicious when he began to hear strange noises issuing from the beach.

"It sounded like bloodcurdling screams and the tearing of flesh, but I didn't worry too much," Crawford said over beers at Duarte's Tavern. Crawford noted that Pescadero is the only beach he has ever seen that serves as home to both mountain and sea lions.

Hafer, who was an accomplished fencer, would likely have been able to fend the beast off had there been a foil available. Apparently the Backyarder's bare hands were simply no match for the animal's lethal claws and fangs.

"While we mourn him and honor his memory, Josh Bednarsky has picked up the torch and will accompany us home," American Backyard said in an official statement. "We will continue in the epic pursuit of happiness, just as Dan would've wanted."

According to teary-eyed sources close to the victim, "epic" was one of Hafer's favorite words.

Bednarsky, who is blonde, recently played the title role in the Shelton High School Drama Club's production of The Who's Tommy.

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